Accidental Truth

Don’t you hate it when you accidentally tell someone the truth? I mean, we all tell the truth on purpose with varying frequency – some of us more than others……and we all tell various versions of the truth, right? Like we tell our boss the things that we have done but leave out the things that we haven’t gotten to yet……or tell our significant others the reason we we get home late – knowing if we shade it one way vs another they will be more understanding. We tell our kids that Santa brings presents to our houses in the middle of winter….. and so on and so forth.

And we all know what an actual bald-faced lie is. We tell the police officer we don’t know how fast we were going. We tell our friends we like their new haircuts. We tell our kids the 5th grade band concert was “great” when we know it was mediocre at best.

What I’m talking about is when we accidentally tell the truth. Like that Freudian moment when someone tells you who their new romantic interest is and you say, “Really?!!?”. Or when you’re so exhausted and stressed at work that when your incompetent co-worker asks for your help and all you can manage you say is, “I’d love to help you know how to do your job again – like I always do, but I have to do my own job”.

When I am sick, I accidentally tell the truth a lot more than usual.

I told my fiancee that his kids were being assholes today. They were. But, the thing is, I’m usually much better at couching my opinions in acceptable PC-ish phrases like, “They are probably just so worn out from school and everything that they just aren’t using their manners” or whatever.

I have one friend who i have to be especially careful around when I’m feeling accidentally truthful. She truly despises her husband and tells me all about it all the time. BUT she likes to pretend that everything is *great* and even convinces herself from time to time that they’re really going to make it work. They bought a Save-the-Marriage Puppy the other day. At least they didn’t create a human baby.

It’s so bad with her and her husband that she had literally begun to jump out of her bed and try to climb out windows in her sleep. I could not make this up. It happens with some frequency to her….she knows it’s not normal and admits that there’s “probably a reason” that this keeps happening……but she is unwilling to explore the problems in her marriage because she knows that if she goes down that emotional path it will be the end of her marriage.

I had never heard of anyone with this same problem (the sleepwalking not the bad marriage) until someone recommended a movie about sleepwalking to me. It’s a comedy, but it has a lot of the same themes as my friend’s problems. This guy doesn’t want to get married, so he’s having sleepwalking episodes where he runs out of hotel rooms and jumps off things in his bedroom – just like my friend does!

After I watched the first few minutes of this movie, without thinking, i texted my fried to recommend it to her. Basically, telling her she’s trying to escape her marriage. Which, in my defense, she already knows. BUUUT, she only really wants to acknowledge or talk about on her own terms. Which i get. I’ve been there.

It’s just funny to me that we live in a world where we get to have this “public self” that we endorse (think shiny-happy Facebook profiles) and the real selves that only ourselves and a few other people are privy to…… and no one is allowed to refer to the real self without the person’s permission.

She hasn’t replied to my text. Pretty sure we both know why….. but, I’m still sick and don’t have the energy to make nice.

The lack of alcohol makes me more truthful, too. That used to be a way for me to numb myself to perceiving other people’s bullshit. Now I see it all. No anesthetic.

It’s excruciating.

I actually hate being able to see so many tiny catastrophes…… subtle embarrassments and rejections, the lies people tell themselves and parade around as truth to the rest of the world.

I hope to god i feel better tomorrow and everyone can be a little safer.

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